Ruined for me

On the evening of July 3rd, a friendly neighbor pressed a drink into my hand. It was bright red and served in a plastic cup. The taste - strawberries, ice, and a little metalic vodka tang- called up some memories. Specifically, it called to mind a party I went to during my freshman year of college. I was working up my nerve to go talk to a pretty young woman, trying to memorize a first, second and third series of conversation topics. I went up to her, opened my mouth but instead of talking I said "Bllaaaaaaaahhhhhh."

I had no experience with alcohol. I didn't drink in high school. I never really picked up the feel for it. I would see other people drinking and becoming elated, and I would just get sleepy. I would hear conversations about different kinds of beer - what do you prefer, Joe, wheat beer or a hoppy ale? - and think they all taste kind of the same to me. If I drink a glass of red wine, I need to go lie down on the nearest couch.

I accepted the July 3rd cup. After drinking its contents, I felt about a 5% lack of inhibition relative to my baseline, a drop so minimal as to be statistically insignificant. I forgot about that cup until the next day, which sucked. I was tired, grumpy, dehydrated and constantly irritated by kid noises. That was from one drink, which might have had half a shot glass of vodka in it, and it's not the first time this has happened.

There is no point in drinking alcohol anymore, except when explaining why would cause me more harm and embarrassment than leering and/or going to sleep. I won't even miss it, but I am sad to see another closed door on the options hallway of life.

I also no longer enjoy the sight of hot high school girls. I used to get a happy little charge when I'd see them but now I feel a punishing game show wrong answer buzzer. I'm more glad and less wistful about this change. I recall a kid named Robbie from my home town who never recalibrated his attraction to girls his own age. He went away to college, but always came home on weekends to scout out the newest freshmen. I wonder if he's moved back to Connecticut, and if he still wears his NHS BAND jacket on Saturday evenings.